I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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