My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
