I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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