I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she smelled like a LAN party
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
