Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
