my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
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If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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