Kiss
Puke
I cockslap morals
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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