Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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