There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
