There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
