i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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