I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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