I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
