mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
