Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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