Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
