I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
