every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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