So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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