pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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