I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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