You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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