I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
