everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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