so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
