absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
