They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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