He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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