Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
