I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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