$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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