Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize