Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
