I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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