her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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