just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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