I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
