One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You may now shotgun with the bride
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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