he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He felt like a one man threesome
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
