hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
