I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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