I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
