i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
