the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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