Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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