I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
