I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
