I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
