and she was petting her beer can
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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