walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
