have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
