Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
