"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
its not stalking. its research.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
