Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
