so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
