Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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