She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She bit a glass in half.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
