peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
