One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
