I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
